I'll Only Scream Louder
by Lusaun
Summary: AU. After getting pulled from the school in which he was with Haruhi, Tamaki realizes, all too late, just how deep his feelings for Haruhi are. Later on in life, he is forced to have to marry a woman he cannot love, since he had given his heart to another long ago. He never thought he'd see Haruhi again, until one faithful day in town. Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: In an attempt to apologize, I bring to you part 1 of a twoshot I'm working on! Next Part comes tomorrow/later today, since for me it's just after 1 A.M. ^^;; ~ I also listened to the song, Distance by Secondhand Serenade while writing this. You'll find connections between the song and the story, as well as even the title. You can listen to it, but it is not a necessity. Lusaun/ / Leon / Mr. L /Haruhi**

**I'll Only Scream Louder**

Tamaki Suoh closed his eyes, not being able to bare the pain any longer. He didn't want to watch the place he had known for so long disappear behind him. He couldn't handle it. He had just been pulled out of school, leave everything and everyone behind him, to move. That was what his Grandmother wanted, and so, of course he had no choice in the matter, along with his father. A certain girl plagued his mind, one that held one of the biggest places in his heart... The reason it was hardest to leave. A girl with the brightest brown eyes, so large and expressive, as well as warm and kind. A girl with hair chopped short, that she made look so adorable. A girl who wasn't the make-up, girly girl, cutesy type, but he thought was always the cutest girl in the whole school, no matter what she did. A girl who'd rather wear a more tomboyish style, over her "prettier" girly look her father preferred for her, and made look so stunningly gorgeous on her. A girl with a strong, independent, intelligent, and just full out amazing personality. A girl named Haruhi Fujioka. He had never wanted to leave her, not for one minute. He cared for the girl too much. He had promised her... He promised to be there for her, whenever she needed him. In a way... wasn't he breaking that promise? Especially when he wasn't even given the chance to tell her good bye? Before he knew it, he could feel a sudden warmth slipping down his face, and for a moment he wondered... Was it blood? He opened his eyes, causing them to sting, as he brushes away the substance away. No, of course it wasn't blood, only tears... He had started crying. That wasn't all surprising for the blond. He was a lot more emotional and open about it than most guys. He held no problems with that. But what he did have a problem with was the reason why he was crying.

He sighs and rests his head against the passenger side window, violet eyes closing once more. _I just hope she doesn't hate me for this... _he thought to himself in his misery. Maybe that was him overreacting, but maybe he wasn't. Haruhi was oone of those people who didn''t hold grudges, unless it was something serious. Even then, it's rare that she really stayed mad for too long. But how would she forgive this? The whole trip passed in silence. He just couldn't find his voice anymore... Maybe he had left it with the brunette girl who also held his heart, in hopes she'd come back to return one of the two, but still hold the other. She could have both. They'd always belong to her. His voice for the sweet words he should have told her, the words that should have been said along with his ramblings of her cuteness and beauty. His voice so that when she needed to hear him, she could know just how amazing she was, and how wonderful she would continue to be. His heart that would alway beat for her, reminding her how much he seemed to have fallen for her, without his realization. He held so much love and tender care for her, but he just didn't notice it was love, until he had to leave, and his reluctance told him it was. How foolish... Of course, the man who goes on about love, and how everyone needs it, and helps bring love to one and all, does notice when he is truly in love, until it is too late... The cruel irony. A soft, crestfallen like chuckle passed his lips at the thought. If he was lucky... Maybe it wasn't too late.

A number of years had passed since the day he had moved. Now close to almost being twenty, he walked through town, his beautiful fiancée-to-be on his arm. Well, beautiful outer appearance, of course. But, looks only truly got you so far. But, in her case... Her beauty _and _her influence in Japan, meaning money and what her family owns, made her one of his main canidates to be the one he married. His Grandmother's orders, to say the least. He was lucky he could so easily compliment and be such a gentleman to even the slyest, conniving girls he's ever met. He was sure she could get away with murder, just with a bat of her eyelashes, an innocent, tearful face, and soft, heart wrenching voice as she spoke. And if that didn't work, it either led to money, or a sudden seductress at your side, or even black-mail. Which ever she had to use to get her way. But, love didn't matter in this situation, as he certainly did not love her. His Grandmother just wanted their families together... And whatever she wanted, she got. He looked down to the woman, seeing an ever familiar, innocuous look from her, as she smiles so gracefully. Her blue eyes were like a clear river, sparkling in the sunlight, as her golden blond hair feel into little bunches at the tips.

"René, darling, you seem to be zoning off again~" she points out to him with a small laugh, a sound of tinkling bells in a gentle breeze. "Is something troubling you?" The blond male smiles and shakes his head with a small laugh.

"No, not at all, Princess~. I must have gotten lost iin your beauty again," he replies with an adoring purr in his voice, making her her laugh lightly once more. He was not lying to her, no. Not about her beauty, she certainly had her moments of purity... It was just usually hidden by her darker moments that she only let show when need be. Otherwise, everyone else only saw her sweet, outer beauty, and an inner beauty constructed by cardboard. Flimsy and easily breakable, if you use enough force. But once that force is applied and the cardboard is torn, there was no unseeing what was truly underlying within her.

"Good, I was beginning to grow a bit worried about you... As long as you're alright..." she went on, before she gently rested her head on his arm, humming softly. He allowed her to rest a bit against him, closing his eyes a moment, while they walked through the town together.

"Yes, I'm fine, Sachiko. No need to worry about me~" he assured her once more. Then, suddenly, he almost froze on the spot, his eyes widening in shock. His heart jumped in his chest, such a foreign feeling after all these years, as he looked across the street. He saw a girl with straight brown hair cascading down to just above her shoulders, a simple black headband pulling back her bangs, sitting outside a cafe with someone else. With her bangs pulled back, and her face turning towards him a bit, while she spoke, he could see her face much more clearly. Large, expressive brown eyes that had haunted his dreams and graced him with such warmth and care in the past. She wore a simple light blue t-shirt with a tank-top that appeared to be made with a somewhat see through material of white and darker blue spots. Then shorts that came just above her knees and tennis shoes. An ever familiar not too girly, not too tomboyish style she had adopted and seemed to have kept over the years, to balance what she and her father wanted. The girl he saw was the girl he had left his heart with... Haruhi Fujioka. Out of the heat of the moment, he suddenly found himself calling out to her.

"Haruhi!" he calls out, but obviously no where near loud enough. She didn't even flinch, but the woman he was suppose to be wedded to eventually certainly did. Her blue eyes shot open, and she looked up at him, clearly confused. Before she could speak, he tried again in calling out to her.

"HARUHI!" he yelled out, a little louder then. That time, he got a bit more of a reaction from the woman he was trying to contact. The brunette looked about, blinking in confusion, but could not seemed to find him. He went to wave to her to fully get her attention, but Sachiko reached over and grabbed his arm. Rather forcefully, she shoved his hand back down, shooting him a glare.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Tamaki?!" she hisses at him, envy tinging her angered tone, once kind and bright blue eyes now flashing menacingly. Seems she didn't like competition. And he knew that too well. He managed to pull his arm free from her.

"Trying to talk to an old friend, dear, that's all. I haven't seen her in years," he answers hastily, now watching in panic as Haruhi had started getting up with her friend. This could be his only shot! He moves away from the blonde, clingy woman, to take a few steps after her, though they were on opposite sides of the road. He wanted to be sure she got a clear view of him, after all! Cars rushed by in their afternoon traffic, causing it to be a bit more diffiicult to be heard. But, knowing this could be his only chance to get to talk to her, even one last time, gave him the determination to try one last time. He took a deep breath and finally yelled out, "_**HARUHI!**_" towards her, and that finally got her complete attention. This time, the girl's head snapped towards his voice, as if shocked that either a.) 'someone was yelling at her from aross the street, what?' or b.) 'maybe she recognized his voice and wants to be sure it's him', or both. Probably both. But then, her brown eyes met his own violet ones, and a sudden smile filled her features. She went to wave to him, but then stopped, just as Tamaki felt a familiar grasp around his arm. He looked to see his fianceé-to-be throwing a kind of look that clearly stated, 'He is _mine_. Stay the hell away.' towards his friend, and true love, causing his heart to break all over again. He looked back saw her seem to frown almost immediately and glance down. To which he shook his head desperately, trying to deny that this was his choice, since it wasn't. He needed her to know that he didn't love this woman. He needed her to know that of all the beautiful girls in this world, the only one in his world was suppose to be her. Not Sachiko. But he couldn't voice it in front of her... _Please don't hate me too... I dispise myself enough knowing I must have hurt you so... I'm so sorry, Haruhi. _he thought in his head.

Haruhi must have caught his denial, for now a slightly more interested expression took her face, as she stopped. And then, she turned to someone, a complete stranger, causing great confusion for the blond man. What on Earth was she doing? Knowing her, anything.

"Tamaki, let's _go_," the deceiving woman told him, before she looked at him. Her eyes seemed to try to slash out at him, to punish him for going to such lengths to talk to another woman. And she was using the name he commonly went by, over his true first name. He was more than likely in trouble with her, no doubt. _Oh well. _

"Why don't you go on ahead, Princess, in here~? This is your favorite place, is it not?" he then suggests, nodding towards one of her favorite jewelry stores. That suggestion was rewarded with another look, in which he responded to with, "I'll be in there in just a moment. I only wish to call and check in, so no one is worried about us. You know our families tend to worry for our safety." Ok, he'll lie a bit about something like that, but only because this was important. Finally, Sachiko seemed at least a bit more content, as she smiles some, nodding.

"Alright, René. I'll see you inside in a few moments... But don't you dare let me hear word that you were with _that woman_," she warns darkly, a forbidding look crossing her features. Then, as quickly as that look came, it was replaced with that familiar innocence, as she smiles, leaning up to kiss his cheek. Oh, how two-faced she was, especially to him. Flip flopping names and giving mixed signals... How tiresome sometimes, trying to figure out how to make that woman happy and _stay_ happy... Then she left for the building beside them. Tamaki quickly looks, just in time to see Haruhi suddenly pointing towards him, handing the stranger a folded up piece of paper. The unfamiliar woman nods and smiles, as she accepts what she is given. The brunette woman he loved then looked to him once more, giving him a smile and a wave, before she left once more with her friend. A quizical expression was very apparent on his face, as he watched her leave. What was all that about...? And then, he watched as that same stranger Haruhi had spoken to so briskly, started to venture to his side of the road. She was careful to wait until the light turned red, and the sign told her it was safe to walk. Finally after agonizing moments that seemed to last an eternity each, she was there. A smile was on her face, as she holds out what appeared to be a card to him.

"Here. That girl said you two knew each other? She told me to give you this," she then tells him. The blond man nods, as he gratefully accepts the little gift.

"Yes, thank you very much, ma'am," he replies to her, before nodding to her as she left. He then quickly opens up the note, looking it over to see in Haruhi's handwritting, a phone number, and words that said, 'Call me when possible. Any time is fine. H.F.' Good, she didn't write her name... H.F. could easily mean anyone. He slips the important note into his pocket, before he headed inside once more. He would call her tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: This part isn't quite as long, by any means, but I feel it kind of wraps things up pretty nicely. And it kind of sets up an illusion of maybe another part? Maybe a new series all together? Who knows~ -crafty author being crafty- ~Lusaun / N. Italy / Leon / Mr. L / Haruhi**

**I'll Only Scream Louder**

**Part 2**

The time had come, and what a nerve wrecking time it was. It had taken quite an effort to get Sachiko to allow him to be alone tonight. There was pouting, and whining, and a bit of a cling to his arm. He, in the end, had sighed, running a hand through her hair, before promising he'd return soon enough. Then it was her turn to sigh as she begrudgingly allowed him to leave. At least she had let him go... Otherwise, how the heck would he have planned sneaking out of his own house? Sure, it was possible, but not exactly something he'd done before. All the same, the blond was now standing outside, phone in hand and twirling the little note he had received from the woman that was always on his mind, in the other. The phone was ringing... Once. Twice... Would she not answer? His heart began to race quicker at the thought that maybe he _wouldn't_ get to talk with her. _Please, Haruhi... Please answer...! _he thought desperately to himself. However, in the middle of the third ring, suddenly he heard someone pick up on the other line.

"Hello, Fujioka Haruhi speaking," that ever familiar and wonderful sounding voice then spoke, in an instant seeming to calm many of his earlier fears and worries. Relief washed over him like a rushing tide from the ocean, a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, following in suit with that metaphorical tide.

"Haruhi. It's Tamaki," he then answers her after a moment, his violet eyes closing for a moment. "It's so good to hear your voice..."

"Tamaki... I almost thought you wouldn't call," the female's voice then comments, sounding slightly annoyed, he noted, but at the same time, it appeared she was just as relived as he had been. That was definitely a good sign.

"Miss a chance to talk with you? Ha! Seems you've forgotten just who I am, Haruhi~" he teases lightly, grinning a bit now. He could feel it in himself that it was the first, genuine grin he's been able to pull in a long time. The one reserved especially for his beautiful girl, as much as his heart was. He felt his heart flutter in his chest when he heard a small chuckle come from the other's side. He had gotten her to laugh, even if just a little! Oh, how he had missed her laugh as much as her lively smile, that could be so rare, yet so common depending on her mood and the people surrounding her... He missed those ever expressive and bright brown eyes, mirrors into her beautiful and golden nature that yet seemed masked by an, at first, apathetic like and unconcerned aura, until you got the chance to see her come out of that shell. While it didn't always take much to break open that shell and see the kindhearted and loving girl inside, it wasn't that she showed it ever freely. Only to those she knows will not turn on her. She was too smart to let herself be vulnerable to someone who could harm her, in any way. Physically, mentally and emotionally. A well secured person, she was, accepting of her flaws, even if she didn't like them, and her nature of accepting everyone with their own. That was the girl he fell in love with.

"Alright, I guess I have... But can you blame me?" she then points out gently, her tone now taking that of a sadder one, and what seemed like... hurt? Betrayal? _Oh, Haruhi... You were the very last person I ever wanted to hurt, you should know that! If I have caused you any kind of pain, I cannot forgive myself for that... I certainly haven't all this time away from you... _"How long has it been? Besides, well... too long."

"I'd... Rather just think of it as 'too long' honestly... The actual number would probably make it hurt more..." he mumbles in response to her, looking down. "Haruhi, I-"

"If you're about to apologize, don't. This isn't your fault," Haruhi suddenly cut him off, causing him to freeze in shock. Did she gain the ability to read minds over the phone now? Or was he still just that much of an open book for her? If there as any person he couldn't hide a single thing from, it'd definitely be Haruhi for sure. She picked up on every little thing of his, knew when he was hurting, knew when he was happy. She knew his fake smile and laugh, and knew what made him mad. She knew many of his favorite things, and some of his least favorite things, his dreams, and really... It seemed she tended to know more than he ever shared with her. But at the same time, he was perfectly ok with it. Because Tamaki knew it wouldn't be thrown in his face and used against him. The brunette woman was never that kind of a person.

"But, Haruhi, I broke my promise to you. To stay by your side and all, and I'm so sorry..." he protests, gripping his cell phone a bit harder. He could feel tears well up in his eyes already, taking a shuddering breath, wanting to calm down, but knowing he wasn't always that good at it. There was a moment of silence between them, so uncomfortable that the smallest sound right then would be like a sharp blade slicing through it, threatening to cut them both. Neither of them knew who should speak next, but finally, it seemed Haruhi would step up to the plate.

"Tamaki, was that your free will?" she suddenly asked him, catching the blond man off guard.

"What?" he asked her in response, clearly bewildered by her question. What did it have to do with his apology?

"Was it your free will, choosing to leave? Choosing... Choosing to be with someone else, who you clearly do not truly love?" the other went on, more fully elaborating on it. "Did you make those decisions yourself?"

"...No," he finally answers, blinking slowly. He could feel those early tears now trickling down his cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe them away though, there would only be more, he knew.

"To apologize to me, would mean _you_ had something you had to gain forgiveness from, something that _you_ did. Something _you_ caused. Tell me... It was your Grandmother who was playing ring leader again, correct?" the woman went on, a more business like, authoritative voice coming out. This must be what she was like as a lawyer, somewhat... She was so clear with how she stated her thoughts, making them sound like facts, even if she wasn't certain. But, here, she had no reason to be uncertain about who had made the decisions. His Grandmother made basically all of the calls. He just had to follow them. Of course she would be so confident in it. The way she stated her point was, in a way, assertive, but not to the point of aggression, more like any given statistic. She had to add a bit more emphasis and force to bring out her point, hence the assertiveness, but it wasn't to lash out or strike fear into him.

"Yes, of course. It was her orders," Tamaki then agrees with her, needing no moment to think on the matter.

"Then if anyone should be apologizing, it's _her_. Not you. But I wouldn't hold my breath, it's clear she holds no regrets of what she has done, nor does she express any concern for you either. Tamaki. You're. Not. Happy," Haruhi finally then states, a cold truth that hit him hard. Sure, he was so well aware of it, but to hear it spoken out loud, from someone he loved so much, was a whole new story. "I don't want to see you unhappy. Please... Is she your fiancée? It's clear she is suppose to be with you, at the very least."

"No, Grandmother has been pushing me to ask for her hand, but I just... never felt it right. I can say I love her, but I am not in love with her. She has her pure moments, but she isn't the person I wish to spend my life with and raise a family with. The person I want to do that with is-" he started to say, but cut himself off, a blush creeping on to his cheeks. He had never told Haruhi how much he loved her... She was probably with someone else at this point... She was too wonderful to not be, and he had missed his chance long ago...

"Who, Tamaki? ... Tamaki, you can tell me. I want to help..." she then adds in, her voice taking a familiar gentleness, reserved for moments like these. He takes a deep breath, looking up at the moon and stars, praying he was doing this right.

"...You." He had finally said it. And one more, that silent loomed over them like a thick cloud, and he braced himself for what to come next.

"...Tamaki, I... I didn't think you felt... felt the same way," she finally tells him in a quiet voice, causing his heart to about leap out of his chest in shock. He wasn't just dreaming, was he?! He hoped not, and if he was dreaming, please never let him wake up. Did she speak the truth? She had to... The brunette was never one to lie unless the situation was dire, but not with something as serious as this.

"Haruhi... If you truly feel the same way... And if you want to try this, I will tell Sachiko and my Grandmother in the morning there will be no engagement. Because I'm truly in love with another, wonderful and amazing girl, who always held my heart, and she has now given hers to me," Tamaki then went on, a smile forming across his features. Another small chuckle escaped her lips.

"I don't think it will go over well... But, I'm not going to give up that easily," came the woman's response to him.

"Well, dare they try to separate us again, I'll call your name once more, like I did on the street. And if the cities try to drown my voice out... I promise I'll only scream louder. Because you're worth it. And I'm never letting you go, and risking losing you again. Not in a million years."


End file.
